Boyfriends, Judgement, and the Truth About Independent Women
In recent conversations within online communities, a trend has emerged around the perception of boyfriends and men in the lives of independent women. There is a persistent idea that being connected to a man somehow diminishes a woman’s aura. Relationships and associations with men are often viewed as major reflections on the woman herself, as if the outside world judges her based on what they believe the man does or thinks. Questions like “Why him?” “What does he give you?” and “She must need him” reveal a broader societal pattern of judgment. These assumptions rarely reflect the man in the actual relationship who is receiving judgment, but instead highlight how society still evaluates a woman’s value through the lens of her relationships. Digital creator and female powerhouse Jenayah shared her thoughts on this topic, offering insight into relationships of all kinds…platonic, non-sexual, and otherwise..and what they reveal about perception, independence, and identity.
What Is Jenayah’s Take on Men and Judgement?
Jenayah is a force of nature, strong, independent, and full of grit. She has worked extensively within the ZEAL Community on brand shoots, manages her own bookings, and travels for other creative projects. She has walked in Kelowna Fashion Week and participated in the 2025 Dress for Success event, and is widely recognized as a leader in the community. She follows her own moral compass and does not let anyone else’s expectations or opinions define her. Growing up and building her life in a small town has sharpened her sense of self and given her the confidence to speak honestly about what she believes. With that perspective, we asked her about relationships with men.
What is your take on relationships with men from an outside perspective? Do you think society makes them feel awkward or embarrassed?
Jenayah did not hold back. “I think men do not shoot for the stars when dating and punish the moon because he settled for her. I do not think society makes men feel embarrassed enough.”
Do You Really Know Who You Are and What You Want?
Now blunt, yes. Harsh, yes. But Jenayah’s feelings are valid. They reflect the current societal dynamics, which may play a role in how men and relationships are perceived. In her own words, “I think men don’t shoot for the stars when dating.” This could come across as intentional or uneducated, even self-inflicted. Harm often comes from not truly knowing who they are, what they like, or what they deserve, while at the same time placing blame on those around them. To reflect on this, here are some questions you, your boyfriend, your friend, or anyone regardless of gender identity can ask yourself: Who are you and what do you want?
Self-Reflection Quiz: Who Am I and What Do I Really Want?
Instructions: Answer honestly. No right or wrong answers. This is for you.
- Who am I?
- A) Confident and independent
- B) Still figuring it out
- C) I’m a mix, depends on the day
- Do I like myself?
- A) Absolutely, flaws and all
- B) Sometimes, still learning
- C) Not really, I struggle with it
- Do I enjoy being thought of and cared for?
- A) Yes, but I can also give myself love
- B) Sometimes, but I often rely on others too much
- C) Not sure, I tend to avoid attention
- What effort am I willing to put in to receive the love I want?
- A) I actively work on myself and my relationships
- B) I try, but it can be inconsistent
- C) I expect others to do most of the work
- Am I okay taking care of myself, or do I want someone to meet me in the middle?
- A) I take care of myself first, but value partnership
- B) I try to take care of myself but appreciate help
- C) I want someone to do it all for me
- If I want someone to do it all for me, is that sustainable?
- A) No, healthy relationships require balance
- B) Maybe, but it could cause tension
- C) I haven’t thought about it
- Why can’t I find or create these things myself?
- A) I can, I just choose to share the journey
- B) I’m learning how to
- C) I rely too much on others and need reflection
Reflection:
- Mostly A’s: You are self-aware, independent, and ready for healthy partnerships.
- Mostly B’s: You are on a journey of self-discovery and growth. Keep learning about your needs and boundaries.
- Mostly C’s: Focus on yourself first. Build your own happiness before expecting it from others.
Can Love and Creativity Coexist Without Losing Yourself?
Love and creativity often go hand in hand. In our community, we see it all the time — the way people show up for each other, support projects, and bring energy into collaborations can inspire not just art, but growth, confidence, and connection. That experience gives a lot of insight into how relationships, whether romantic or platonic, shape the way we express ourselves and see the world.
Creativity isn’t just about making cool stuff. It’s about becoming yourself, stepping into a character, or letting your energy flow however it wants. But here is the real question. Can creativity survive when everyone around you is projecting who they think you should be? When expectations are placed on you, or when the world asks for certain materials from you, can you still stay true to yourself without losing your spark? And what about love? Can that same magic happen without compromising who you are? Learning to love yourself or others can help you uncover parts of yourself you have been waiting to find, even when the world is trying to shape you.
We all know the people around us matter, but do they really shape who we are? Does someone else’s actions reflect your morals? Or can you be surrounded by all kinds of energy, good, bad, grey, messy, and still come out colourful?
We asked Jenayah, a creative powerhouse in our community who plans shoots, rocks brand events, and consistently shows up for her craft, what she thinks.
Do the people around you fuel your creativity or do you just go with the flow?
Jenayah kept it real. “The people around me fuel my creativity, but it wasn’t always like that. I had to let everyone know I am here and I am creative. If my community didn’t know I wanted to create, they wouldn’t fuel me.”
Have relationships ever impacted your creativity, positively or negatively?
Her answer is straight up honesty. “Dating people who don’t appreciate your creativity can really hold you back. Negativity from others makes it harder to fully express yourself.”
Jenayah on Staying Yourself While Letting Love In
Again, this gives us a window into how Jenayah thinks and believes. On one hand, the things around her don’t impact the way she drives herself. She relies on self-motivation and determination. But on the other hand, she acknowledges that romantic feelings, perhaps love, can influence how certain outcomes play out. Using Jenayah’s thoughts, and maybe a bit of projection, it seems like love can be one of the biggest factors in someone’s downfall or rise. But is this tied to self-love? How well you know yourself and how willing you are to show yourself to those around you matters. If people don’t know who you are, who you want to be, and how you operate, how can they support you in the way you need?
Relationships can challenge us, but they also show the importance of boundaries. By being upfront about who you are and what you need from the start, you can guide how people treat you moving forward. Taking risks and opening up is part of growth, but having a safe support system means you don’t feel the pressure to be who someone else wants out of survival instincts. Looking at situations from multiple perspectives, rather than comparing yourself to others, allows you to stay true to yourself while still letting love and connection in.
We asked Jenayah how this translates into her advice for younger creators finding themselves.
Question: “For younger creators, what is your top advice for connecting with other creatives, the good, the bad, and what to watch out for?”
Response: “For the first meet-up, bring a trusted adult. Even if you are an adult yourself. I am 25 and I still bring my mom to photoshoots. She usually ends up holding props or aiding in lighting. Most importantly, we are not putting me in a vulnerable position.”
Guiding the Next Generation with Confidence and Respect
This is great advice, and as part of our media community, we love having Jenayah around to be a spokesperson for others who are just starting out. She is often on site with us and our clients, helping behind the scenes with models and community members, making sure everyone feels comfortable and happy. She is like the younger generation’s mom, while also inspiring the older members to speak up for themselves.
Jenayah shows others what confidence looks like through clear communication, self-awareness, and respect. She guides people with her experience while allowing new emotions to be expressed and valued without judgment. She encourages everyone to adapt, be open, and stay honest while remaining respectful. This is such a key point in friendships and relationships across the board. Knowing who you are, what you want, and what you deserve, without bending to what others expect, keeps you feeling on top, confident, and respected, while also fostering respect around you.
Love, Respect, and Creating Without Fear
Our final question was about red flags for new creators.
Question: “What are some red flags new creators should watch out for when collaborating with someone? How do you know when or when not to create with someone, and how inclusive they really are? This can apply to romantic, platonic, and all gender or sexual orientations.”
Response: “A red flag to look for is how they talk to you or about you. Are they saying good, amazing, great, stunning, wow? Then I think that is a green flag. If they say something sexual, you have three choices. One, it doesn’t affect you and you continue with the shoot. Two, you say something, set the boundary, and move forward with the shoot. Three, you feel uncomfortable and stop the shoot. If they keep complimenting you over and over, listen to your gut to see if it encourages you or if something feels off. To gain trust with a creative, bring a close friend or trusted adult to help behind the scenes. They know you best and have your best interests in mind.”
The bottom line is simple. Set boundaries and leave if they do not respect you. But what if you did not have a big sister like Jenayah to guide you? How would you feel in these situations if no one told you what to do? Respecting yourself and knowing who you are in any situation—what you like, what you don’t like, what you love, and what you don’t want—creates the foundation for healthy relationships. Trust your gut, follow through, and learn through your experiences. Do not project one experience onto everyone else. Take the time to get to know yourself, and when someone aligns with your values, it will feel right.
Sending the best.
