Growing Up Without a Village: How to Build One From Scratch

Credits
Photography by ZEAL Member Okanagan Portraits
Models Jenayah, Deep, Ladi and Sydney from ZEALUNITY
Edited In House
Brand Black Mountain Haunted House

When “If Only” Haunts You: A Survival Kit for Letting Go

When you lie awake at night, thinking of what could be, do you find yourself replaying the moments that might have happened, or the ones that never did? Memories of what could have been done differently swirl in your mind, maybe with more love, maybe with more support. If only. If only. I had. I chose. I left. I knew.

This article is for you. For the ones haunted by choices, who move through life one day at a time, learning to choose freedom over fear. Your guilt does not have to define you. The feeling of being alone does not make you weak. If no one checks in, if no one seems to care, it does not mean you have done anything wrong.

Here is your survival kit for navigating life without a village. For thriving even when support is scarce. For finding strength in yourself.

Finding Community and Courage at Black Mountain Haunted House

One of our escapes this month was a visit to the local haunted house at Black Mountain. We got to dress up, believe in ourselves, be creative, and simply have fun. It is run by such wonderful people, and because it is local, it made our community feel at home and part of something bigger. Even when support does not come from the people we might want, our community steps up and creates moments that feel larger than life.

Experiencing this space made me think about how people survived in the early days of life, huddled in groups, surrounded by cold, hunger, and discomfort. Imagining a world that chose closeness over isolation for the sake of collective survival. Just like in that haunted house, the warmth of community, creativity, and shared experience becomes a lifeline. It reminds us that to live, we must depend on others, our family, our friends, the people who keep us safe, not just for our own sake, but for theirs too.

Yet, even with that understanding, life is not always so forgiving. Support is not always there. Family may be distant, friends may be absent, and the people we hope to lean on may not be around. In those moments, everything feels heavier, the cold bites deeper, and fear lingers longer. It can be hard to believe in yourself, to take risks, or to create joy alone. And yet even in that absence, connection can be found. It may come through small acts, through strangers who step in unexpectedly, through laughter, creativity, and courage. That haunted house reminded me that even when our inner circle is small, community still exists. It is in the people who show up, in the experiences that spark joy, and in the courage we summon within ourselves.

In a world where support is not guaranteed, these fleeting moments of shared humanity become essential. They remind us that belonging and warmth are possible, even when we have to create them ourselves.

Survival List: What to Do Without a Village

Treat Yourself to Your Own Date Day

Don’t have anyone around you to text about your problems or talk to? This doesn’t mean spending money or buying random things. It means taking care of yourself. Sit down. Think. Reflect on all the loving things you do. Remember all the ways you have grown and gotten to where you are today in a positive way. You don’t need anything to be happy. You need delusional positivity and hope. You, my friend, are exactly where you need to be, and everything is aligned for you. Just chill.

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Go Do Something Fun

Even if it costs a little money or none at all. Our creators went to Black Mountain Haunted House. For a lot of our members, joining our community was about wanting to do something different, be creative, and have fun for themselves. Experiences like this remind us that doing things just for you is powerful.

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Don’t Feel Bad About Missing the Things You Left

It’s human. You are brave enough to try something new, and human enough to feel nostalgia for what you left. It’s evolution.

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Live Life as If No One is Watching

Because, honestly, who is? Let the feeling of uncertainty guide you, knowing that each day is a new beginning.

Write Down How You Feel

One day, when your community is around you, you might forget what you’ve been through. Being able to read your own words and relive those moments will help you realize how far you’ve come.

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Don’t Let Memories or Messages Pull You Back

If you receive messages that say, “I remember the good old times,” remember that a lot of the time, those moments weren’t as perfect as they seem. Don’t let someone else’s projection ruin your mindset.

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Allow and Receive Love Without Guilt

You might not have much to give right now, and that’s okay. The people meant to be around you don’t expect anything from you. They just want to love you for who you are.

Quiz: What Do You Really Need Next?

Answer these quick questions to figure out your next step when your village isn’t around:

1. How are you feeling right now?
A. Overwhelmed and drained
B. Bored and restless
C. Curious and excited

2. Do you have time to focus on yourself today?
A. Not really
B. A little bit
C. Yes, I can make time

3. What makes you feel alive?
A. Alone reflection
B. Being creative or doing something new
C. Spending time with people, even virtually

4. How do you deal with missing people or your old life?
A. I get stuck thinking about it
B. I acknowledge it but try to move forward
C. I channel it into a new experience

Results:

• Mostly A’s → Self-Care Reset: Take a solo day to recharge, reflect, and do something purely for yourself. Journaling, meditation, or a long walk can help.
• Mostly B’s → Creative Boost: Try something creative just for fun. Paint, write, dress up, or explore a new hobby. Focus on experiences that make you feel like “you.”
• Mostly C’s → Community Quest: Find ways to connect safely with people who lift you up. Virtual hangouts, workshops, or local events can help you find your people.

Embracing the Hard Days

Now this is all hard. It is not going to feel cozy or soft. Some days you might feel sad, scared, or worried about where you are going next or why you are even here in the first place. Trusting yourself and letting go of the outcome, all while maintaining a positive outlook, positive habits, and positive self-talk, will keep you moving forward. Eventually, the heaviness will not feel as heavy. It will feel like a bag of tools for your next adventure, helping you figure out who you are, without the need to be dependent on abundance.

Think about the kind of house that raised you and ask yourself what kind of house you want to live in now.

🎃 Halloween Treats That Won’t Break the Bank

Halloween doesn’t have to mean spending a ton of money to have fun and feel festive. Whether you’re solo, with friends, or doing a cozy night in, these easy and cheap treats are perfect for getting into the spooky spirit. Think cozy lattes, sweet cornbread, and little DIY touches that make your night feel magical.. all without emptying your wallet.

Grab your ingredients, get a little creative, and let’s make Halloween deliciously fun and totally budget-friendly!

Budget-Friendly Pumpkin Spice Latte (Non-Alcoholic)

Ingredients:

• 1 cup milk (any kind, even powdered milk works)
• 1–2 tsp pumpkin puree (optional, can skip if needed)
• 1 tsp sugar or honey
• 1/4 tsp pumpkin pie spice or cinnamon
• 1/2 tsp vanilla extract (optional)
• 1/2 cup strong brewed coffee or instant coffee

Instructions:

1. Heat milk in a small pot or microwave.
2. Stir in pumpkin, sugar, and pumpkin pie spice until well combined.
3. Mix in coffee and vanilla if using.
4. Pour into a mug, top with whipped cream or a sprinkle of cinnamon.
5. Sip and enjoy your cozy Halloween treat!

💡 Tip: Skip the pumpkin puree or whipped cream to save money and still have a tasty latte.

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🎃 Cheap & Easy “Monster” Cornbread

Ingredients:

• 1 cup cornmeal
• 1 cup flour (all-purpose or whatever you have)
• 2 tbsp sugar
• 1 tbsp baking powder
• Pinch of salt
• 1 cup milk (or water + a little butter/oil)
• 1/4 cup melted butter or oil
• 2 eggs (or 1 egg + 1/4 cup applesauce to save)

Instructions:

1. Preheat oven to 400°F (200°C) and grease a pan.
2. Mix dry ingredients: cornmeal, flour, sugar, baking powder, and salt.
3. Mix wet ingredients: milk, melted butter, and eggs.
4. Combine wet and dry ingredients, stir until just mixed.
5. Pour batter into the pan and bake 20–25 minutes until golden.

💡 Tip: Add a few chocolate chips or a sprinkle of cinnamon sugar on top for a festive touch without spending much.

🕸️ Not in the Baking Mood? Try This Halloween Self-Discovery Quiz!

Answer these questions to find a fun, spooky activity that fits your vibe and mood tonight:

🕯️ A Little Note Before You Go

Whatever your environment looks like this season, know that you are loved, needed, and wanted. Halloween can bring up a lot.. it’s a time of magical energy for many. Remember to drink your juice, eat your food, and take care of yourself without feeling guilty or wrong about what’s already happened.

Be accountable, take risks, and stay positive even when things feel uncertain. Sending you the very best and wishing you a safe, grounded, and meaningful Halloween. 🎃